INSIGHTS (on leadership/self-leadership)
In my new book (May 7th), The Mentally Strong Leader: Build the Habits to Productively Regulate Your Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors, I share a proven, four-step plan for performing under pressure, inspired by Navy SEAL’s and a Navy bomb disposal expert, whose performance under pressure is clearly essential to their job.
1. Think “challenge” vs. “threat.”
If you see a pressure-filled situation as a threat, your body responds in unhelpful ways (fast-beating heart, sweaty palms, sick stomach, difficulty focusing). You imagine everything that could go wrong. And feeling anxious makes you more anxious, undermining your ability to perform. But if you tell yourself, “I’m prepared for this challenge,” your focus increases, your thoughts and emotions are more controlled. It enhances your ability to perform.
2. Ignore “What if?”
I once heard famous race car driver, Mario Andretti, say, “The key to racing is to look ahead, not at the wall, because you steer where your eyes take you.” In other words, concentrate on potential negatives of the situation around you (constantly thinking, “What if?”), and you’ll steer right into them. A self-fulfilling prophecy. Anytime you feel a “What if” coming on, replace it with a “What will…,” as in, “What will now happen, is that I’m going to….” For example, say you’re about to give a big presentation and you catch yourself thinking, “What if I freeze up during my talk?” You instantly recognize that’s not productive, and switch to saying, “What will happen, is that I’ll relax and let all the rehearsal I’ve been doing kick in.” It’s about focusing on what needs to be done, not what might happen.
3. Focus on the next small step.
When the pressure’s on, it’s calming to just focus on the next small step in front of you, vs. stressing over everything that must (or could) happen. It’s about focusing on the process, not the outcome. For example, when I give a keynote to an especially large audience, even as a seasoned pro, I still might feel a few butterflies beforehand. So, I focus on delivering the opening line of my keynote. Then the opening story. Then the first major insight, and so on, one step at a time. After a few small steps, I’ve reached a state of flow and any nervousness has vanished. Break that high-pressure situation into small steps, and take them one at a time.
4. Cascading positivity vs. spiraling negativity.
This one’s related to the above, but merits its own discussion. One bomb disposal expert told of trying to defuse a mine while underwater. At one point, he realized he’d become trapped, unable to move his hands or feet. Rather than let panic take over, he thought,“I’m still breathing, so that’s good. Now what else do I have going for me?” Then he realized he could at least wiggle his fingers enough to untangle the line trapping him. Then he turned his focus to that next positive thing that would make his situation slightly better, and kept building from there. His point was to “have cascading positivity as opposed to spiraling negativity.” He started with the good (while being realistic about the facts), which calmed him, helping him to focus on what else was good, what he could control, and what to do next. You can too.
IMPERFECTIONS (a mistake many make)
Many of us can, or have, tripped up when presenting to senior executives. Especially in that we tend to be over-prepared and super-focused on getting across our message points (which is good), but in so doing, we come across quite stiff and mechanical (which is bad). I get asked about this a lot, and I recently discovered I share the same key piece of advice as my friend and communications expert (and person I’ve taught with at Indiana University), Tatiana Kolovou. As Tatiana puts it, in high-stakes meetings with senior executives, it’s important to use a conversational tone. Doing so connotes that you’re comfortable, confident, and helps establish a connection with the senior executive, making them more likely to react in the way you want them to. It gives you a sheen of executive presence. To help with this, I like Kolovou’s specific advice:
“Transition with rhetorical questions. For example, you could say, ‘You might be wondering how much will this cost us?” or, “We know why this is happening, but what can we do about it?’”
Bottom line, don’t be intimidated by your audience’s position power. Use your personal power, and personality, to come across as conversational and confident.
IMPLEMENTATION (one research-backed strategy, tip, or tool)
In my new LinkedIn Learning course, How to Push Back at Work (and Look Good Doing It), I discuss how to disagree with someone in a maximally productive way. One of the keys here is to begin with the end in mind, i.e. the desired outcome of a disagreement, which is to achieve learning, and mutual respect. In fact, Harvard research shows the key to disagreeing productively is not to focus on being right, but to focus on what you’re trying to learn – and to state your intent that you’re trying to learn.
For example, you disagree with your co-workers recommendation to raise prices on your core product. Instead of just firing off your counterpoints to show you’re right, you start by saying, “I respect your point of view and want to learn more about it, as I believe I’m in a different place, and I want to see if my rationale holds up.” Your co-worker will react better to your push back with this approach, especially if you assume that they, too, want to learn. The Harvard research also showed that we too often think the person we’re disagreeing with only wants to persuade you to their side, when, in fact, they’re just as interested in learning as you are.
Notice in that opening line you also overtly communicated respect (by saying “I respect your point-of-view”), which you can further enhance by keeping an open mind, truly listening (for understanding, not to convince), and even with receptive body language (like leaning in to show you’re listening or nodding along and maintaining eye-contact).
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