INSIGHTS (on leadership/self-leadership)
I recently came across an article highlighting the four words that movie-star and ex-governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, swears is the key to his happiness.
Stay busy. Be useful.
At first glance, your thought might be: Fluff. Generic. Unhelpful.
But it’s that second part, “Be useful,” that is broadly supported by science in terms of its role in happiness.
We feel useful when we have a sense of purpose, which can change over time. If you think it might be time to revisit and redefine your purpose (your profound why), to re-evaluate how you can be useful at this stage of your life, I can help.
Consider the Purpose Power Questions below (broken into four categories). Your answers to any of these questions just might lead you to articulate exactly what your purpose is these days.
Your Core
1. What are your superpowers? Which of your strengths can you use, like a superhero, to do good for others?
2. What are your values and beliefs? Our most closely held values and beliefs are often the seeds of a purpose waiting to bloom.
3. What would you do for free? What are you doing when you lose track of time at work? What do you catch yourself daydreaming about?
4. What part of you is not showing up at work, in life? We’re living with purpose when we bring out our whole self. This question can point to strengths locked within you’re longing to unlock.
Your Past
5. What have been your happiest moments? These are threads that can connect to your purpose.
6. What have you learned from career misfires–and triumphs? Misfires provide clues about what your purpose isn’t, triumphs help define what it is.
Your Service
7. What deed needs doing? What problem needs solving? What does the world need more of that you’re well suited to serve? What’s your cause?
8. Who would you serve? Who are the beneficiaries of your servitude? Who you’d find yourself drawn to serving can provide important clues about your potential purpose.
Your Aura
9. What would people miss about you if you were gone? The delightful ingredients you bring to the stew of life can be clues to your purpose.
10. What would people say you were meant to do? What would others tell you that your second profession, or your calling, should be?
IMPERFECTIONS (a mistake many make)
Wide receiver for the recent Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles football team, AJ Brown, pinpointed a mistake we often make about success – we think the success itself is what will bring us the most joy – but it isn’t. Said Brown after the victory (edited for brevity):
“After a few days, I’ve had time to reflect on being a champion. I’ve never been a champion at the highest level before but I thought my hard work would be justified by winning it all. It wasn’t. My thrill for this game comes when I dominate. It’s the hunt that does it for me. The intense battles. Early mornings. Late nights. Sacrifices. I love putting smiles on people’s faces, don’t get me wrong, but it just wasn’t what I thought it would be. It’s the journey that I love the most. Back to work!”
I’ve experienced this repeatedly throughout my career successes. The endpoint is nice, but you must learn to fall in love with the journey along the way, the process. That’s what will sustain you in those moments when success seems like it will never materialize. So, I work hard at finding joy in hard work. I hope this reminds you to do the same. Even if it’s as simple as reminding yourself, “I don’t have to do this. I get to do this.”
IMPLEMENTATION (one research-backed strategy, tip, or tool)
Here’s an exercise for overcoming negative thoughts and inviting in more happiness-inducing ones, calledThe Rubber Band Reminder.
Take a rubber band, slip it over your wrist, and wear it, like an accessory, for a period of time as you work to form a new happiness habit. It’s meant to serve as a visual reminder of how you can constrict joy when you slip into negative thinking (something all-too-easy to do).
Next, when you catch yourself amidst downbeat thoughts, don’t immediately push them out of your mind. Acknowledge the emotions you’re feeling. Name them, as naming your emotions helps you work through them. When you’ve done this, pull the rubber band outward and hold it there, but don’t let go and snap yourself, self-inflicting pain. This symbolizes that you won’t beat yourself up for having those negative thoughts. Then, keep flexing the rubber band back and forth to remind you to now engage in flexible thinking, which is expanding your mind to consider alternative ways to think and feel about a negative situation.
For example, say you catch yourself spiraling downward after a bad meeting. You’re beating yourself up with thoughts like, “I’ll never get promoted.” “My boss isn’t a fan of mine.” “My co-workers are better than me.” You notice the rubber band on your wrist, and suddenly, you’re self-aware you’ve slipped into negative thinking. You acknowledge that you’re feeling self-pity, you name it, and even say it out loud, “I’m feeling self-pity right now.” You then grab the rubber band, but you don’t snap it back, admonishing yourself for having those thoughts.
Instead, you gently pull the rubber band outward a few times as a trigger to now engage in flexible thinking, to determine an alternative way to think about what’s upset you. In fact, ask yourself three questions at this point:
1. Why am I feeling this way? What’s really going on?
2. What’s an alternative way to think about this?
3. What’s a more optimistic thought to carry forward?
Going back to our example, you admit you’re feeling self-pity because you lack self-confidence in these types of meetings. That’s what’s really going on. You identify another way to think about this – that you’re catastrophizing the situation – the outcome really isn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be. And you think, I can’t nail every meeting. I’ll be more prepared and do better next time – a much more optimistic thought to take forward.
You get the idea. I hope this exercise helps you snap back into positivity when needed most!
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