INSIGHTS (on leadership/self-leadership)
Want to get someone to change their mind about something you disagree with?
Research shows pounding someone with the facts won’t get them to see the light. In fact, it just makes them more likely to dig in defensively and insist that they’re right.
As cognitive scientists Steven Sloman and Phillip Fernbach told The New Yorker, “As a rule, strong feelings about issues do not emerge from deep understanding.” The truth is, people believe they know way more than they actually do. This is exacerbated when someone finds someone else who is equally like-minded and uninformed. Suddenly, they become even more smug in their opinion, more convinced they’re right, and more likely to dismiss anything that contradicts their opinion. To make matters worse, finding other like-minded but uninformed people reinforces their sense of identity, self-worth, and belonging, a phenomenon known as the “backfire effect.”
While getting someone to think more critically is essential, as I wrote about here, the truth remains that once formed, impressions and opinions are remarkably hard to change. It’s essential to bust biases and create receptivity to alternate information and points of view if you want to sway someone’s mind.
So, what to do?
Stanford psychologists say start by asking a simple question.
In a study that centered on a debate about introducing a new set of exams at the university, the researchers found one magic question made participants much more willing to consider changing their minds:
“I’m interested in what you’re saying. Can you tell me more about how come you think that?”
The question changed the entire tone of the debate, provoking much more open-mindedness.
Now, is this a surefire solution? Of course not. But changing minds can certainly be made easier by first, changing tone. Both yours, and theirs.
IMPERFECTIONS (a mistake many make)
Sometimes, the thing holding you back from things you want to accomplish, is you. More specifically, as I share in The Mentally Strong Leader, you can make the mistake of letting your limiting beliefs take over. To expose your limiting beliefs (and then replace them with more empowering beliefs), ask yourself these four questions:
1. What resistance am I feeling inside while thinking about achieving this goal?
Specifically, why do you think it’s going to be difficult? Are these real, provable barriers, or imagined ones?
2. What am I assuming?
Are you making global assumptions, like, “I am…”, “Life is…”, “People are…”
3. What stories am I telling myself?
It’s easy to get caught up in your own unhelpful narrative that pulls you off course from accomplishing something.
4. What restrictive labels am I applying to myself?
It’s easy to label yourself in a way that feels definitive and unfairly categorizes you.
By answering these questions, you bring your underlying limiting beliefs to light. Be sure to name them, as well, even saying them out loud. Doing so helps you break the power they have over you.
IMPLEMENTATION (one research-backed strategy, tip, or tool)
Research shows that bad weather, even just a bit of rain and cloud cover, can contribute to a general gestalt of unhappiness, and even depression. In fact, Seasonal Affective Disorder is a very real type of depression linked to the change in seasons – usually as the year turns to fall or winter and the amount of sunlight decreases.
The thing is, we have enough feeders of unhappiness in today’s world, so how can we turn mother nature into a helper?
Try this happiness tip from an unusual source, astronaut, Mike Massimino, who used to complain about the weather, until he went to space. As the NASA adventurer told The New York Times, “In space, there is no weather. No atmosphere. Nothing.”
This vivid experience helped him to better appreciate the beauty in everyday things. Even feeling rain on his face. Said Massimino, “It’s a reminder that the planet is alive and how lucky I am to be on this planet.”
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