INSIGHTS (on leadership/self-leadership)
Ever been in a conversation with someone that dragged on because you didn’t know how to end it? I have. You’re done chatting and want to move on, but it feels sooo awkward to end the chat without seeming disrespectful. It turns out, Harvard research found that 2/3 of the time we’re in a conversation longer than we want to be because neither person will stop talking – they don’t want to offend the other person by ending it.
I recently came across great guidance on how to end a conversation in a way that’s not only respectful, but also makes you seem more confident. Here’s how:
1. Pay attention to cues that it’s time to end the conversation. If the other person is speaking in shorter sentences or no longer making as much eye contact, for example, it’s a sign they want to end the conversation – and that’s OK.
2. Share your need to leave the conversation – in advance. Before diving into it with the other person, if you know you have to make it short (or you just want to make it short), let them know up front. Say something like, “Let’s chat and catch up for a few minutes; just know that I have to leave in a bit for a meeting.” You get the idea. It’s better than suddenly cutting them off in mid-sentence with an abrupt departure transition.
3. Offer a future conversation. If you really do want to talk with the person again, in addition to saying you have to keep things short, you can offer to continue the discussion at a future time. It makes it almost impossible for anyone to be offended by you keeping the conversation short.
4. Show your appreciation. End the conversation by saying you’re grateful for what they shared or just for the chance to chat with them a bit. In this way, you end the conversation on an upbeat note, expressing appreciation for the time you were able to share with them.
IMPERFECTIONS (a mistake many make)
As part of the in-depth research I conducted for my book, The Mentally Strong Leader, I surveyed 1,000 leaders to see whether they felt they communicated enough with their organizations. 74% answered, “Yes.” And yet when I surveyed the employees of those leaders, only 32% answered, “Yes, my manager communicates enough.”
The discrepancy is costly. Stanford research shows that under-communication is a whopping 10x more likely to be criticized than over-communication. And leaders who don’t communicate enough are seen as less competent, trustworthy, and empathetic.
The solution is simple. Treat communication like a strategy. Invest in it. Put in the work it takes to over-communicate. Communicate waaaayyy more than you think you need to. It’s not mindless repetition, or overkill, or irritating. It’s what it takes to be an effective leader in today’s overworked, distracted world.
IMPLEMENTATION (one research-backed strategy, tip, or tool)
Want to keep your best employees from leaving? Regularly review (and honor) the “Top 10 for Retention” checklist that follows:
1. Make their continued growth a priority.
2. Give them thoughtful feedback. Regularly.
3. Be generous with the autonomy you give them.
4. Default to giving them more responsibility, scope, and visibility.
5. Tell them how valued they are. Often.
6. Find out what’s important to them and provide it.
7. Have a career plan for them – and share it.
8. Hold everyone on their team equally accountable.
9. Give them meaningful work.
10. Always have their best interest at heart, and show it.
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