INSIGHTS (on leadership/self-leadership)
Sesame Street character Elmo recently posted a simple question on X: “Elmo is just checking in. How is everybody doing?” No one could have predicted what happened next.
According to X’s metrics, and the New York Times, the question was seen over 140 million times, with over 20,000 thousand responses flooding in, like, “Elmo, I’m depressed and broke,” along with a litany of other despair-tinged responses about being laid off, being fearful of the 2024 election, and on and on.
Elmo had touched a nerve, and a need. The need to vent. To share. To not feel so alone.
And it worked. Many responses were about how reading the string of other’s responses, made that person feel better.
Remember, so many in your life can feel surrounded, yet alone.
It speaks to the importance of being intentional about checking in with teammates and people you care about, more often. Just follow three rules when you do:
1. Come across as checking in, versus checking up. That is, like you’re inquiring as an act of support, not inspection.
2. Be ready to listen with patience and empathy. To the truth of how they’re really doing.
3. Acknowledge, not discount, what’s said. When we listen to someone share frustrations or worries, we want to help – it’s human nature. In attempting to do so, we often use dismissive language like “It’ll be OK,” or “Well, at least you…,” or “It’s not as bad as you think.” Such language discounts the importance of what the other person is saying and feeling. And often, dismissive language like this is about making yourself feel better, when the other person just wants to feel like they’re not alone. Better language to use includes: “I see,” “Yes, of course,” “I hear you,” and “I can see why you feel that way.” You can also acknowledge the other person and show that you’re listening by paraphrasing and playing back what you heard, and by asking thoughtful follow-up questions.
People won’t forget it when you check in. So, don’t forget to do so, the right way.
IMPERFECTIONS (a mistake I’ve made)
We all get advice. All the time. Probably too much. How do you sort through who’s advice to listen to, and who’s advice to politely ignore? It’s a mistake younger-me made all the time, following the advice of whoever last had my ear. But I’ve learned over the years (you can teach an old dog new tricks!) to follow three simple rules for sorting through advice. Consider:
1. Context and circumstance. Your thing might not apply to my thing. Too often I’ve followed advice because it produced a desirable outcome, for that person – an outcome I also wanted, but that ignored the realities of my circumstances. I forgive myself now for it because the draw of a proven path, a shortcut to success in some cases, is intoxicating. But the wrong path is still the wrong path. So carefully consider how, or if, that advice is truly applicable to your situation. This includes unsolicited advice, which is often given without even a wisp of understanding of your circumstances.
2. Motivation. I follow advice most often now when the giver has no vested interest in me following their advice. Period.
3. Experience and knowledge base. Quite simply, does the advice-giver know what the #$!! they’re talking about? I discern this (respectfully) by asking follow up questions to determine the source of their wisdom.
I hope these rules-of-thumb are useful. After all, not all advice is as straightforward as this, but it can be just as painful:
IMPLEMENTATION (one research-backed strategy, tip, or tool)
Here’s an effective hack for communicating more clearly, persuasively, and effectively that I’ve been teaching for years, and that I recently saw well-articulated by HBR:
It’s based on considering three questions:
1. What? Be clear on exactly what you’re talking about, including the facts, necessary background, and context needed to effectively make your point.
2. So What? Then shift to discussing why the audience should care. It seems basic, but it’s a failed-consideration at the heart of most ineffective presentations.
3. Now What? End by making it clear what you want the audience to do. What specific action do you want them to take?
As HBR points out, “This structure not only helps you organize your thoughts; it also serves as a guidepost for your audience, making the information easier to follow and act upon.”
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