INSIGHTS (on leadership/self-leadership)
Harvard researcher and happiness expert Arthur Brooks has confirmed what you probably already know; what makes you happy in the second half of your life isn’t the same as the first half.
There are several core shifts that need to take place if you want to maximize your happiness on the back nine of your life:
1) Shift from adding to subtracting. While we can draw great satisfaction from the drive to achieve and acquire more – money, power, status, belongings – Brooks’ research shows that as you get older, you derive more pleasure from wanting less and being satisfied with what you have. This also includes an element of “Marie Kondo’ing” your life and stopping the participation in things you no longer draw joy from. Brooks has even referred to the idea of having a “reverse bucket list” where you strive to have a profound “Not to Do” list.
2) Shift from fluid to crystallized intelligence. Recognize that while “fluid intelligence” (innovative problem-solving) gives us great satisfaction in our formative adult years, more happiness is derived from “crystallized intelligence” (wisdom and teaching) as we age.
3) Audit your desires. Use a “litmus test” for goals by asking: “Would this still matter to me if no one else knew I achieved it?” If the answer is no, it is likely rooted in status rather than meaning. Which means you are far less likely, the older you get, to derive happiness from achieving it.
4) Shift from status to service. I’m feeling this one now, as I’m most certainly in the second half of my life. Status matters less than the amount of service, and the difference I can make in other people’s lives does.
5) Nurture deep connections. This one’s a biggie for the second-half of your life. It’s about nurturing “real,” warm friendships over “transactional” ones to combat the social irrelevance that can accompany aging. In fact, an eight-decade study on happiness, the Harvard Study on Adult Development, shows that warm relationships are the #1 predictor of health and happiness in our later years.
IMPERFECTIONS (a mistake many make)
If you’re like every other human on the planet, you’ve used the strategy of venting, or “blowing off steam,” to reduce your anger when you’re really at a boiling point. Maybe you go scream in your office by yourself, or go for a run, or visit a rage room. At a minimum, it can feel really good to do any of these.
The problem is that Ohio State University research shows that venting increases physiological arousal, which is not conducive to reducing one’s anger. In fact, it can make it worse. As one of the researchers put it, “Venting anger might sound like a good idea, but there’s not a shred of scientific evidence to support catharsis theory.”
So, instead of going for that jog to blow off steam, which will only increase physiological arousal, reduce arousal by engaging in calming activities. Some of the most proven techniques are also common stress-reduction techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, mindfulness, yoga, or even counting to ten.
The bottom line is that the researchers say expressing anger is not an effective way to cope with it. So, the next time you want to vent, resist the temptation to turn up the heat; instead, turn it down.
IMPLEMENTATION (one research-backed strategy, tip, or tool)
The US Women’s Curling team matched its best-ever finish in the recent Olympics, and it turns out the team’s sports psychologist might have had something to do with it.
To help the team effectively compete in the most pressure-filled moments, she encouraged the team to focus on the process, not the meaning of the outcome.
It’s sage advice that’s been proven to work in almost any high-stakes situation you might face in life. If you prepare, rehearse, and prepare some more, you can then focus on executing that thing you’re nervous about (that big speech, the high-stakes presentation, that key interview). That is, you can concentrate on the process of executing versus worrying about what it will mean for you if it doesn’t go well.
Leave a Reply